On the night of the last day of November, that’s when parents suddenly remember.
Tomorrow is December 1st. Thank goodness, the kids’ behavior is the worst!
Christmas will be here really soon. We’ve been using Santa as a threat since June.
Our little friend with the creepy smile hasn’t been here for awhile.
The Thanksgiving holiday has come to an end. It’s time to succumb to a Pinterest trend.
Scrolling through your Facebook feed, you see parents preparing for their children’s greed.
They use a toy as behavior modification, as we all prepare for winter vacation.
The “Elf on the Shelf” is back in suburban homes. Your Instagram will be nothing but those weird little gnomes.
Last night brought intense pre-holiday panic. My child’s excitement for Christmas is manic.
She said, “Mama, my elf comes tomorrow!” as she went to bed. I thought, “Wait, where did we put it?” I smacked my head.
I scoured each closet, every drawer and each box. I found an old bottle opener and some missing socks.
I Facebook messaged my friends like, “Oh shit!” They were like, “Uh oh, girl you better find it!’
I have no idea where my husband tucked it away. Ugh! He’s in Vegas on business til’ Friday!
I started making an elf contingency plan. An elf letter saying “I’m still helping the big man!”
After preschool drop-off I’ll head to Barnes and Noble. That may prevent a meltdown ‘a la Chernobyl.
I gave it one last look in closet junk piles and racks. It was in a box with dry cleaning hangers and an unused Camelback.
My preschooler will not be a disenfranchised douchebag! “My ‘Elf on the Shelf’ is here!” she’ll brag.
Fellow parents! May your holiday tantrums be few and light. Don’t forget to move the damn elf each night.
My Santa hat is off to the authors of “Elf on the Shelf” not only for your fortune-making genius merchandising, but for your ability to rhyme that book. This poem, written in “Elf on the Shelf” style, took me for freaking ever.