Archive for the ‘marriage’ Category

TV Soul Mates- May 8, 2015

Friday, May 8th, 2015

tv soul mates

We’ve had “Undercover Boss” on for several hours tonight. You know, just…on. Occasionally we’ve looked up from wrangling children, answering emails and sorting mail to wipe a tear as a boss helps a single mother or pays for an employee’s education. My husband knows I’m psyched about “High Profits” on CNN, because who wouldn’t want to follow the journey of a couple of twenty-somethings navigating the new industry of legal recreational marijuana while getting wildly rich?

We know we have the new “Saturday Night Live” and the new “Last Man on Earth” on Hulu ready to go another night this week. If “Goodfellas” comes on one night or if it’s Harry Potter Weekend on ABC Family, that may go out the window and our channel will change. Next month when Season 3 of “Orange Is The New Black” is on we will stop the world for an hour a night. It’s a great part of our marriage.

We don’t like to say we’re “soul mates.” I’ve always thought that term was rather silly. We feel it lessens the commitment we made. We choose this life together. We choose to be committed. Fate didn’t magically make us “soul mates.”

So I don’t believe in soul mates, but I do believe in “TV Soul Mates.” Marry your TV soul mate. Seriously.

We like to watch a lot of the same stuff. My TV soul mate sat with me the night they found Dzhokhar Tsarnaev in that boat after the Boston Marathon bombing. We live tweeted together as CNN gave us the play-by-play. We like the State of the Union Address, ESPN 30 for 30 documentaries or the occasional House Hunters. He just changed it to the special “Saturday Night Live in the 2000’s.” Why not? The more Tina Fey, the better if you ask me.

We also have an understanding about televisions in our house. We only have one that works. We use the iPad to watch other shows. We don’t have a TV in our bedroom. It’s just our preference. You and your TV soul mate have to have that kind of understanding.

We don’t always agree. I groan every time he turns on THE SAME DUMB MOVIE we’ve seen a million times. He turns on “Joe Dirt” or “She’s Out Of My League.” I remind him every time that those movies will end the same way. They are just not the same edited for language on Comedy Central. Come on! But, I’ll watch them with him. In turn, he makes fun of me endlessly for my fascination of the Duggars on TLC’s “19 Kids And Counting.” He laughs, but will stick with me during “Dance Moms.” He knows what’s up with Abby Lee Miller and her craziness.

You don’t have to agree all the time, but as TV soul mates, we indulge each other. He let’s me panic about kidnapped women and family homicides while watching “Dateline.” I glaze over during the NFL Draft as he panics for the Denver Broncos and takes to Twitter. We like indulging each other a little. It’s what you do for your TV soul mate. Plus, it’s 2015. Your TV soul mate can always roll their eyes and disappear behind the laptop. It’s part the indulging.

More than anything, TV time at night is our time together. We can talk. TV spurs our conversations. As much as it’s fun to have total control of the remote when he’s away on business, it’s lonely. Television is so much better with a soul mate.

 

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A Decade of Apologies- April 27, 2015

Monday, April 27th, 2015

10 years of marriage

This morning my husband lost his temper for a second and raised his voice, urging us out the door. He got our son strapped in his seat and made his way back towards me in the garage. As I walked out he stopped and said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t need to yell.” “It’s okay,” I said.

It WAS okay. I meant it. He WAS sorry. He meant it.

Then tonight he got on me for yukking it up with my sister on the phone and talking about adult topics within earshot of our daughter. I didn’t even think about it until he brought my inappropriate behavior to my attention. I sighed and said, “Sorry, I’ll watch what I’m saying around her.”

I WAS sorry. I meant it. He knew I did.

This week we celebrated ten years of marriage. Someone asked me what advice I had on having a good marriage. I laughed because I really don’t feel like an authority at all. We just happened to find each other when we did. But, if I had to give any advice, it’s this:

Say you’re sorry and mean it. Don’t say it to pacify the other. Mean it when you apologize. If you’re the spouse accepting the apology, truly accept it. Don’t hold a grudge about it.

 

That melodramatic movie from the ’70’s got it all wrong. Love means ALWAYS having to say you’re sorry. It means saying it over and over again and meaning it each time. I am a flawed human married to another flawed human. Then we went and created two little flawed humans. I can think of no better example for them than to admit when we’re wrong, apologize, and forgive.

If there is anything I’ve learned in the past ten years, it’s that. Happy Anniversary, Greyson! There’s is no one I’d rather be a flawed human with than you. Here’s to many more years of apologies.

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All I Got- October 10, 2014

Friday, October 10th, 2014

My children do not care that I slept just a few short hours last night. They do not care that the music was loud and the beer was plentiful and I’m not the spring chicken that I was. No, they want breakfast. One wants breakfast from my boobs. They want attention and toys. They want to watch “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood.” So, I’ve been up with them even though I so badly want to be curled up in my bed.

It’s okay, though. It’s okay because I’m sitting here listening to them play and repeat Daniel’s life lessons with giggles. “A friend just wants to play with you!” I’m sipping coffee and basking in my happy. Yes, my brain is fogged, but I’m happy.

I’m happy because last night the moon was full, the air was cool and I had the privilege of singing at the top of my lungs with some of the best people I know to celebrate my best friend. Greyson turned 40 yesterday. It was awesome. That’s all I got, and it’s all I need.

Our friends at the Zac Brown Band concert

Zac Brown Band concert October 9, 2014

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Bathroom For My Birthday- August 4, 2014

Monday, August 4th, 2014

bathroom edited

 

Yesterday I turned 33. My husband asked me what I wanted. I wanted waffles for breakfast. It’s a “special day” so I justified the sugar intake, pretending I abstain from sugar the rest of the year.

It took me awhile to tell him what I really wanted. You know, the present you mull over in your mind the week before your birthday and really, REALLY want, but feel guilty asking for it? I finally looked at him the day before and said “Okay. I know what I want and I promise it doesn’t cost anything!” I find this tidbit is crucial for the money-conscious. I said, “I want the bathroom clean and I don’t want to do it. I mean, I want to get it really clean, like scrubbing-the-shower type cleanliness. Oh, and I don’t want to do it.” He looked at me funny and said, “Okay.”

Greyson and I share the housework. He’s great about cooking and cleaning. Naturally, I’ve picked up more of the load now that I’m home, but he is great about dividing up the chores. We seem to get disgusted with our filth at the same time and get anxious to clean it up.

I peeked in on him scrubbing. He was sweating. He looked up and saw me holding the baby. He warned me about the chemical smell and told me to leave. I did. I just wanted to see him scrubbing. It was adorable. I giggled at his plumber’s crack as he was down on his hands and knees. (I’m so sorry I told everyone that on the Internet, Greyson. But, your plumber’s crack was cute. Hey, I didn’t take a picture!) 

I walked on the floor and wiggled the toes of my good foot on the clean, cold tiles. I showered and leaned my head against the glass clear of soap scum. My sink had been sanitized, free of toothpaste globs. As I brushed my teeth I knew I was a loved wife and mother.

Husbands of world, you are likely to experience some ::ahem:: “marital bliss” if you make this part of your wife’s present. I’m just saying, it was a happy birthday.

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Sacrifice- June 26, 2014

Thursday, June 26th, 2014

I’m feeling foolish as I write this. Foolish because my last post was begging for your advice about strollers as my brain was consumed with our upcoming travels. We had grandiose plans to take our family of four to a family reunion in Nebraska this weekend. Now that it’s almost here I’m a little embarrassed to say we had to cancel at the last minute. Why, you ask? The short answer, money.

money pic

So often money is a taboo thing to discuss. I figure I talk about my leaking boobs and stitched up lady-parts on my mommy blog, so why should I be ashamed of discussing finances? I don’t know, but money is a touchy subject for most people. It’s private. It shows how vulnerable we are. That’s funny for a generation of people who are putting every mundane personal detail of their lives on the Internet to say that money is the thing that most shows our vulnerability, but it’s true.

Don’t get me wrong. Technically our family could afford to go on this trip, but at the price of some real financial strain later this year. It was going to cost an absurd amount to fly, rent a car and get a hotel room. We didn’t want to put a ton on credit cards. You know, credit cards. The cards people our age got when they walked on campus freshman year with their school logo on it.

Here’s the thing, we REALLY wanted to go on this trip. Bad. We had talked it up to our 3-year-old. We told her how great the zoo was going to be and how she was going to get to play with 50 million cousins she’d never met. We promised aunts they would get snuggle time with our squishy 7-month-old. I planned outfits and did laundry. I made arrangements for friends to dog sit. We bought plane tickets. We were going. We had our hearts set on it.

That’s the problem. We had our hearts set on going and wanted to go. I’ve found that Gen X/Millennials like us typically get what we want. Think about it. We came of age in the 1980’s and 1990’s. People my age knew nothing but mostly peace and prosperity until the economic collapse five years ago. Growing up, I figured things would always keep getting better and better. No, seriously. I just assumed my parents would always make more money than they did the year before, ensuring great family vacations and my college tuition taken care of.

This is not to say our generation is not innovative and hardworking. We are. I’m proud of how hard my husband and I have worked for many years to provide a great life for our children. We have a nice home near a good school, two cars and enough for preschool and dance classes.

Now that we are a single income household, we have had to make some adjustments. Sadly, we didn’t adjust enough. We didn’t plan. If we wanted to go on this trip so badly, we should have planned for it better than we did. Yeah, we did have some unexpected expenses pop up, but if we had planned better, it wouldn’t have been a problem. We made the choice for our family to have me stay home with our children. We don’t regret that decision, but we’ve still been living life as we were a double income household. We didn’t sacrifice.

Staying home from this trip is our sacrifice. We are learning the lesson of our generation. We can’t have everything we want all the time. Now, we have to raise the next generation to understand the same thing.

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