Archive for April, 2012

Schlecht gesungen- April 30, 2012

Monday, April 30th, 2012

I told you of all the songs we regale our child with, particularly in the car.  I’m getting a little concerned about her hearing as she applauds these efforts.  Well, maybe she’s just applauding her desperate parents’ efforts.  She is a sweetheart.

This weekend Greyson belted out a new one I’d like to share with you all here.  It was sort of to the tune of “Oh, Mr. Sun.”

“Mr. Moon, Moon, bright and shiny Moon, hiding behind that tree.  

There’s a bear over there and he’s got a gun.  

He’s gonna shoot you, so you better run.”  

Me (smirking): “Uh, what are you singing to our child?”

Him:  “Oh, that’s a song my family used to sing.”

Me:  “No, the song is “Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun…”  (I went on to sing that totally normal song that we all know.)

Him:  “No, it’s Mr. Moon.”  (He goes on to repeat this insane song.)

Me:  “Why is there a bear and why does it have a gun?”

Him:  “I dunno!  That’s just the song my family sang.”  (smirking)  “It’s an old German folk-song.”

I threw my head back laughing as I pictured his family wearing lederhosen and singing about sharpshooting bears.  I assume it was a salute to the Motherland and a tribute to a fictional Great Uncle Wolfgang.

We did find a song called “Oh Mr. Moon” online, but it has an owl in it.  No bear.  I think he’s full of scheiße.


Hair and Hiney- April 29, 2012

Sunday, April 29th, 2012

I had no idea this was going to be such a momentous weekend when  Greyson stole me away for a night to celebrate our anniversary.  We stayed at our local 5 star hotel and had the chef’s selection menu at the restaurant.  The fact that we dined sans high chair was momentous enough, never mind the foie gras.

In the past few weeks I have really tired of fighting with Charlotte over her “sprout”.  She keeps pulling it out, leaving her hair all down in her eyes.

I resigned myself to the fact that it was time for “Baby’s 1st Haircut.”

Uncle Bryce made it way more fun!  Greyson said this “Snip Its” place was “like Chuck E Cheese but you get your hair cut.”

Poor thing.  She looks like she’s about to be sacrificed.  I’m sparing you the video I took.  The crying was ridiculous as you hear my reassurances, “It’s okay, Baby!  It doesn’t hurt!”   The sweet woman who had this daunting task kept feeding her animal crackers between snips.

Her first haircut led to her first lollipop.  She has not mastered saliva swallowing.  This occasion was topped off with a toy prize and certificate complete with photo.  “Baby’s First Curl” was saved for Mama.



Charlotte picked out a Sesame Street potty at the store today.  After she carefully “read” the instructions we gave it a shot.  No dice.  After her nap we tried again.


I know it’s silly, but we were so freakin’ proud of those few tiny little dribbles.  She’s getting so big and learning so much!  I just burst with pride when I see her experience new things and accomplish new things.  If you think about it, learning grooming like haircuts and hygiene like bathroom use are pretty big life skills.

I’m sure we’re in for some bumps along the grooming and hygiene highway and first we have to move out of Diapertown.  She will be 18 months this week.  I have no time to be sad about it.  Let’s go!


Raising Humans- April 25, 2012

Wednesday, April 25th, 2012

As parents we become enamored with our little babies.  Raising a baby is full of snuggles, feedings, rocking, and swaddling.  I look back on the days of Charlotte’s infancy and I get all squishy inside.  Yes there is poop and sleepless nights but it’s a perfect, sweet little one!  Right?!

Today I realized I’m raising a person.

Don’t get me wrong I was fully aware that it was a human baby I birthed 17  months ago, but something she did today made me realize she’s a PERSON.  A flawed human being.

I went to pick her up from the Waddler class today and she didn’t greet me with her usual enthusiasm.  Well, I thought, “That’s okay.  My mama-ego isn’t THAT fragile.”  (Yes it is.)  I sat on the floor at her level.  Some of her classmates toddled up to me, enthralled with my beaded necklace.  Charlotte’s good friend gave me sweet smiles, sat in my lap and cooed at every bead.  Charlotte did not like this.  It happened very fast.  She marched over to that little girl and gave her a swipe before turning on me with a swat.


I blurted, “CHARLOTTE!  No ma’m!  That is not nice!”  I looked at the teacher who seemed equally shocked.  (Good, it seems that’s not common.)  I turned to check out the other little girl and she was smiling and obviously not phased.  Her swipe didn’t hurt me either.  I  said, “Charlotte we do not hit our friends and you do not hit Mama!  It’s okay for another kid to sit with your Mama.”

She felt jealousy and anger like a real person.  Suddenly it became a daunting task to be the person raising and molding this little human.  I went on to stress how she should say she was sorry to her friend, but the toddler mind moves quickly and she started playing with my necklace.  I guess we’ll get to shame and empathy when she has another “human moment”.  When can we start Time-Out?  I have no idea.


Raising a toddler is full of  messy dinners, squrimy baths, repeat book readings, and Elmo snuggles.  Tonight I got all squishy inside thinking about my girl.  Yes there are tantrums and food throwing, but she’s my perfect, sweet little one.  Right!?


Marriage- April 23, 2012

Monday, April 23rd, 2012

This was us seven years ago tonight…


April 23, 2005 my groom dipped me while we danced.  We fed each other cake after rambling, tearful toasts.  My grandma said the music was too loud and my friends drank too much.  A bridesmaid may or may not have made out with the bartender.  I stand by the cliche that it was one of the “happiest days of my life.”

I’m using the occasion of our wedding anniversary to speak out about an issue I feel very strongly about.  Two weeks from tomorrow North Carolinians will go to the polls to vote for or against Amendment One.  Same Sex Marriage is already illegal in my home state.  This amendment would define marriage in the state constitution as a union between one man and one woman, and would ban any other type of “domestic legal union” such as civil unions and domestic partnerships.

I really  have no reason to be against Amendment 1.  I’m straight.  I had the privilege of marrying whomever I chose.  Actually I’ve been pretty lucky when it comes to discrimination.  Let’s face it.  I’m an able-bodied, middle-class, educated, straight, white woman.  I think all women have felt the pangs of discrimination somewhat, even white women.  But, I’ll never know what it’s like to be discriminated against based on my race or sexual preference.  So why should it matter to me if this Amendment gets put into the State Constitution?

It matters because it’s wrong.

If the people of North Carolina vote for Amendment One it would ban domestic partnership benefits including health care for public employees and children receiving domestic partner benefits.  I honestly don’t understand why anyone would be against gay marriage anyway.   It in no way threatens my straight marriage.  If someone told me I didn’t have the right to marry Greyson I would fight until I did.

Worst of all, this Amendment hurts someone I love.  It pains me to think that he already can’t marry the person he loves and our home state would never recognize any union he chose to enter in to.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”  This is the Civil Rights issue of our generation.  Gen X and Gen Y in North Carolina, I plead with you to educate yourself about Amendment One.


Color- April 22, 2012

Sunday, April 22nd, 2012

Charlotte loves her crayons from the Easter Bunny.  She squealed and  I thought she might explode when I pulled them out along with her Elmo coloring book yesterday.

I ignored Crayola’s “age 24 months and up” warning on the box because I assumed my kid must be an artistic prodigy and these crayons would somehow awake the creative beast within.

She grabbed one out of the box and happily scribbled Elmo’s face a brilliant, albeit incorrect, turquoise.  This was short lived.  I had started showing her how to color Elmo’s fur red when I looked and she was happily gnawing on the Blue/Green crayon.  She grinned as I scooped wax bits out of her mouth.  When I took away the Blue/Green that little bugger had the Blue/Violet in the other hand!  Before I could stop her she snapped off the end of that one with a look like, “Ha, ha, Mama!”  Bits of purple wax covered her teeth.

After rinsing her mouth I had forgotten all about this until about 10:000am today.

It smelled like any other dirty diaper, but OH MY GOD!  I thought, “When did she eat the remanents of a blue-green-purple Play-Doh experiment gone wrong?!”  I made Greyson come look at what our creative beast had produced.