I had to describe what the first trimester feels like to a man the other day. Not just any man, my husband. I wasn’t sure where to start with this description. How do you define these three months of life that begin another? I think you have to take it in phases.
Phase 1: Ignorance and Wonder: In this phase you don’t even know you’re knocked up. Nope. You are in the dark as much as that zygote in your uterus. During this time you may be blissfully unaware of your delicate condition and decide to party hard at your friend’s wedding, eat sushi appetizers and go on roller coasters because you have to get all that in before you get pregnant, right? So, you feel oblivious.
You may be more cautious because you are in your “two week wait.” If you don’t know what that means, you must not hang out on fertility and pregnancy message boards. For shame! The 2WW or TWW is the time between ovulation and your expected period. A gal desperately seeking conception may not dare let champagne nor raw fish touch her lips. This means she is probably counting the days until she can pee on a plastic stick. Chances are, you are overly assessing every stomach rumble to figure out if it’s morning sickness. So, you feel anxious.
Phase 2: Queasy: Morning sickness is a woefully misnamed affliction. Pick a time of day. Each girl feels sick at a different time. For me, it was in the evening. Most are hanging over the toilet when they wake up. The unlucky ones are so sick all the time they actually lose weight in the first trimester because they can’t keep anything down. The doctor may give them Zofran. Then they feel like they’ll never poop again. So, you feel nausous and constipated.
Phase 3: Drugged: Surely someone has poisoned you. They must have slipped something in your drink. I personally had flashbacks to my 8th grade mono days. That’s how tired you feel.
Imagine you are on a long car or boat trip and you feel seasick. Okay, then what do you do? You take a Dramamine, right? Let’s be honest, Dramamine only touches nausea a little. It really just knocks you out. Combine the feelings of phases 2 and 3. So, it feels like you’re a seasick person on Dramamine.
Phase 4: Generally Emotional: If you really want to be pregnant, you could be crazy elated. Regardless of whether this is a surprise baby or not, you’re pretty much terrified because once you see that plus sign, the uncertainty sets in. You are worried about the baby and hoping the pregnancy goes well. You are unsure you will be a good mother, or unsure you can handle another child. So, you feel overwhelmed.
Phase 5: Bloated: That’s self-explanatory.
I guess if you have to describe it to someone you can say the first trimester feels oblivious-anxious-nauseous-constipated-drugged-exhausted-elated-worried-usure-overwhelmed and puffy.
Thank God it’s over. Hello second trimester. I’ve been waiting for you. You’re much easier to describe.